Our first snowman! (and some catchup pics)

OK, after you get over the shock that I am actually posting a blog entry, take a look at this. Our first snowman. Amazing, huh?

Today was the first day EVER that Maddie and Brady have gotten to play in the snow. EVER. Last year, it was too cold to let them out even for a few minutes! And before that, we were in Japan. (not much chance for snow)

I realize I haven't posted pictures in ages. Again, forgive me, I just seem to have absolutely no time lately, I don't know where it goes. I'll try to catch up some here.

I had the kids stuffed so tight that they could hardly move, (picture "A Christmas Story" and that's about right) even though it wasn't terribly cold out today. I'm overprotective, so sue me. It had melted just enough to be perfect for snowman and snowball making, so we went outside and went crazy. The kids were so happy, Brady, learning that he could roll around in the snow and not get cold, was delighted to "wallow" in the snow, throw snowballs at the car (and eventually at all of us), and alternate between building and beating up the snowman.

Earlier last month, we had fun in the leaves outside, raking them into piles and then jumping in them. Maddie spent some time cheesing for the camera and Brady was running too fast for me to get any pictures of him, just some blurry streaks as he would tear across the yard and throw his whole body in the pile of leaves. Too cute.

Let's see, what else. Looking forward to Christmas, just wondering when I'll ever get my shopping done. My parents decided that they would be able to come up this year and that will be so nice to have them here. I've leaned on them a lot this past few months (both Mom AND Dad) so I always like to have them around.

We survived another cold-type illness a few weeks ago, both kids were out of school for a couple of days so I got to stay home with them and take care of them. They really didn't seemed slowed down by their illness any, just fevers keeping them out of school, so we spent a lot of time doing "art" as Maddie and Brady call it. We painted and made Play-dough sculptures, read books and watched movies. I'll take a sick day like that any day!

Glynn and I are cruising along with our practice plans. If we make it through alive, I'll be surprised. :) It's the most stressful thing we've ever done as a couple and I hope we don't kill each other. It will all be worth it at the end. We've found a spot in Lee's Summit, just waiting to hear back from our banker. We also have a very promising opportunity in Leavenworth, but it's more of a back-up plan right now. We'll see what happens and keep everyone posted!

Glynn got to go to Peru (don't remember if I mentioned that earlier) last month to give dental lectures at a conference. I was initially supposed to go with him and we made the executive decision at the last moment that I would be wound too tight to go and maintain my sanity.

Annie is doing great in school, she's in drama club and is looking forward to her first play soon. Sarah won her class spelling bee and is going to be in the entire grade spelling bee tomorrow! So send some good wishes her way. They're doing great, as always, just growing up too fast and turning into *gasp* TEENAGERS soon. UGH. Military school, anyone?

I realize this has served as somewhat of a holiday letter, and although I never thought I'd write one, here it is. I suppose if I were better at blogging, I wouldn't have to catch you all up like this. Hmmmm. Maybe that's a new year's resolution or something.

Tired, ready for bed, but gotta convince Brady to stay in his first. I'm in for a long night again.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all if I don't post again before then!

Yes, I am still alive.

I promise.

I realize that the frequency of my posts has decreased to like, oh, once a month or so but that doesn't mean I don't have a lot of shit on my mind that I'd LOVE to spill. Just don't have the time anymore, somehow.

Hmmmm. Wonder where it all goes? I mean, seriously? Am I THAT busy? I can't be!

Anyway, here's the recent Spencer updates:

1) Glynn just got back from his Peru trip. Which was going to be OUR Peru trip, until we both collectively decided that my nerves were shot to hell and couldn't take a trip to a country where I was likely to get robbed (at LEAST), shot, kidnapped, or otherwise assaulted. It also ended up being more work than fun as we had initially thought. So Glynn took one for the team (God bless him) and did MY lectures as well as his at the dental conference. He said it was a bit like being at the U.N. because the translators sat in the back in a glassed-in box and all of the conference attendees wore headphones. THAT would have driven me crazy. Poor guy, though, he's now suffering the side effects of eating authentic Peruvian food on his last night in the country. Montezuma strikes again. :( He's home sick today, needless to say.

2) I did get a great visit with my parents though, while he was gone. They came up for a visit to help me out and keep me from going all batty. I think the family really thinks I've lost it. And God knows, I have been a bit unstable lately. But I'll pull through it, I have to! It was awesome to have them there, I always like it when my parents visit.

3) Our Halloween was awesome, we had Annie and Sarah and we had a blast! We carved pumpkins and roasted the seeds, went trick-or-treating, and handed out candy. Annie dressed up as a baby, Sarah was a cowgirl, and Maddie and Brady BOTH went as dinosaurs. They were all so cute! I'll post pictures as soon as I can (which is only when I can sit down in my own home and use the computer undisturbed aka never) Maddie and Brady are finally getting the hang of trick-or-treating, except Maddie would hold out her bucket and say "Trick or treat!" at which point Brady would hold out his bucket and say, "Can I have some too?" TOO CUTE.

4) The quest toward ultimate Jeep construction continues. Glynn's got the Jeep in these cool new huge tires and is making it harder and harder for me to get up in the damn thing, but I love it. I better get with it, though, or he WILL get the bumper sticker that says, "Lift it high! Fat chicks can't jump!"

5) I'm so fat. Fat fat fat fat FAT!!! I'm heavier than I've ever been in my entire life and I hate it. Hate it hate it HATE IT! I tried to work out with Emily last week (or the week before?) just doing some yoga and I sweated so bad (another lovely side effect of all this medication) that I made a huge puddle. That's not the bad part, hold on. I was thinking, good, I'm finally back in the game and able to work out again, but NOPE! Had pain back on that damn nerve again and I'm TERRIFIED to overdo it and damage all the progress we've made! I'm therefore grounded to extremely low impact treadmill walking (yawn!) that makes me feel like I've made no progress. I know that all this weight (well, most of it) is due to the medication side effects and that as soon as I stop taking them I should be able to snap back pretty quickly but it's the interim that's killing me. I suppose I should be grateful to be pretty much out of pain these days, but I'm starting to think that fat is worse. My self-esteem is in the shitter and I hate looking like this! I refuse to buy bigger pants so I'm stuck in schlumpy nasty female gym-teacher/volleyball coach clothes. Hate it! Hate it! You all KNOW that I love my fashion and shoes, and I can't get by with it now. Cute little black dress is not cute now on this fat ass with huge wobbly bits. UGH.

Okay. Done. Vent over.

Ummmmm, I think that's all for now, folks! Practice plans are humming along and I'm freaked out hourly about it, but I'm also excited and can't wait to walk through the doors of our practice someday SOON. Get back to my roots of pediatric dentistry. What I was born to do. :) No more of this general dentistry shit. Adults. Gah. I hate 'em. (no offense, y'all).


God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.


(listening to country music station, and it seemed like an appropriate quote to end the post).

If there's one thing I've tried to teach the kids....

.....it's learning to share.


And boy, did they do that well this past weekend. We had the honor of sharing the stomach flu. Starting with Brady, then Maddie, then me. Thankfully, Glynn has been spared and so have the grandparents. But God. What utter misery.

Also? I learned an important lesson. If both of your children have been vomiting in the last 24 hours, it's probably not too smart to have wings and beer for dinner.

Let's just say I don't anticipate eating wings again for a VERY VERY long time. Ugh. *shudder*

Other than the projectile vomiting, we had a very productive weekend. We found the most amazing space for our practice, and the meeting with our banker went VERY well. Almost too good, I think. But I think both of us feel a lot better about this now. It's a very steep uphill road from here, but, we're in good hands with Patterson dental, Miles McCune, and Alex Goodpaster. Now we have to settle on an architect, but that shouldn't be too difficult.

Now for the heavy personal angst-y stuff.


On Friday, we drove halfway and got a hotel room in Davenport. About 3:30 in the morning, I woke up to being vomited on by Brady. We're talking face, hair, ear, neck, everything. I was COVERED. (suspect this is probably how I got the virus, huh?) Anyway, we got cleaned up and he threw up a few more times, Glynn had to find a 24 hour Walmart and make an emergency run for supplies, and I had another "episode" for lack of a better word. It wasn't a full-blown panic attack, but it was close. Glynn headed it off with some Xanax and I was knocked out the entire drive back to Mom and Dad's house. It was so good to be home and in a comfort zone. I think I was freaked out because when Brady got sick, we were in a hotel room in Bumfuck, Iowa, and was scared to be so far away from everything I knew. I don't know.


Dad talked it over with me when we got to Maryville, and it makes so much sense. He makes me feel so much better because he has suffered from the same things, only so much worse. Isn't it funny that no matter how old you are, part of you still wants your parents around to take care of you? I got a double dose this weekend, my dad taking care of my mental health and my mom taking care of my physical (she made me soup and let me sleep when I was sick). It was great.
Except for that same night, even after Dad had talked to me and I was feeling a bit better, I had a full blown anxiety attack. He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, so I got Glynn. I felt like I was having a heart attack....you know, chest pain, shortness of breath, but I KNEW it was just anxiety. I tried to talk myself out of it, do the breathing exercises and visualization but I couldn't get it under control, so Glynn helped me out again with making me take the medication again.



But I feel better, more hopeful that I WILL be able to manage this. It took my dad YEARS but I have the benefit of his experience so I'm hoping I'll be able to learn from him. And, as cheesy as this sounds, my mom had a relaxation tape, (yes, and actual cassette tape, from the 80s, gotta love it) that was a sleep/hypnosis/anxiety management type of thing. I listened to it at their house and it's weird, I would have never expected it to help but it did. It talked about finding a "happy place" (yes, just like Happy Gilmore) and imagining all of your anxiety and pain and panic flowing out of your body. It helped. It did, I was so glad! So, we actually found an old Walkman (retro, right?) and I brought it home with me. I've listened to it a few times since and I am feeling more calm and hopeful. Maybe it's the placebo effect but I could care less, if it makes me feel better, than so be it.


Anyway, we're back at home and I took the rest of the week off to catch up and spend some time with the kiddos. Glynn says that's when I'm happiest, when I've taken the day off, spent the day with them, got stuff done around the house, and he comes home and I'm in another happy place.
Oh, and speaking of happy places, I've realized I've got several of them that if I can "go to" when I'm anxious I'll be just fine. My favorite? Snuggling on the couch with my family. Just try to be anxious when you're warm and snuggly and cuddled up with the people you love more than anything in the world. (Hmmmm, think I just discovered the reason for our Spencer Family Campouts). Another one? Sitting in front of the fireplace in my parents house, smelling the fire and being around my family.


(okay, all of the above was written in pieces last week, on Thursday and Friday) Took me this long to get back to it to post it, which tells you how much computer time you get with a two and four year old. Anyway, on with the saga......

I can't remember what day it was, think maybe Friday, but I had just tweeted that I was so happy, sitting on the couch, fireplace going, fuzzy jammies and all, and out of nowhere came another anxiety attack. Seriously? You're going to tell me that these awful things can come on when I'm really feeling relaxed and happy? What a crock of shit. So Glynn and Dad talked me through it, meds helped too, I'm just disappointed that these attacks are able to overtake my life at some of my most chilled-out, happiest moments.


Anyway, it's Sunday now, and I'm hoping to make a pumpkin patch trip today. Glynn's putting new brakes on the Jeep so we'll see. We still have one weekend before Halloween, but I'd like to go today if possible, the weather is beautiful.


That's it for now, I think it's quite enough drama for a decade, let alone a week. I know I'm a self-labeled drama queen, but that's even too much for ME.

Brady's doctor visit......poor baby!

Well, we have polar opposite children when it comes to doctor office demeanor. Brady fought every last procedure yesterday, from the scale to the stethoscope, he was a little monster from start to finish. So you can imagine how the shots went. He was NOT pleased. He kept saying, "Mommy, she hurt me! She hurt my arm! Owwwwww!" I was surprised that they stuck him (and Maddie) in the arms instead of his chubby little legs (he's got so much meat on those thighs that it wouldn't have hurt as much) but they said that if he had any swelling, they didn't want it to hurt him to walk. I suppose that's a good point, but STILL, he's a baby! Arm shots are for grown-ups! Aaarrrgggghhh!


Can you say mommy guilt? I felt TERRIBLE and he knew it. That little boy got everything he wanted for the rest of the day yesterday. So I'm just a bit tired today after him wearing me OUT yesterday and last night. Gosh, he knows how to work me.

BUT, he didn't spike a fever at ALL yesterday or this morning, so maybe we'll be in the clear with that side effect. Here's hoping. All in all, he had a good checkup, exam-wise. He's a healthy little tank of a boy that weighs 5 pounds more than his big sister!

Looking forward to a trip home this weekend and next week. We're going to rent a minivan (yes, I've turned into a soccer mom, I LOVE those things) for the trip to try it out before I make Glynn buy me one. We've got a bunch of meetings next week concerning the new practice and we're excited to keep moving forward. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. On Monday, we're going to tour a bunch of spaces with our real estate agent. That's the fun part. The next day, we've set up a meeting with our loan officer. You know, the guy that's gonna give us all the money to build this incredible dental palace we want to have. We're going by the Field of Dreams theory, if we build it, the patients will come. Especially in Lee's Summit.

We still have yet to talk to the retired Army colonel that wants us to take over his practice too. I have to admit, it sounds almost ideal but for a few details that are potential deal-breakers for us. It's such a big decision, one that we lose sleep over every night. We're 97% sure we're going the Lee's Summit route, but one more visit with Col Kittle and we'll make up our minds for good.


I hope.


Anyway, it's a big week coming up. any prayers that you could spare would be greatly appreciated. We need to choose a path and hit the ground running even more than we already are.


I'd better sign off, it's time for me to once again put my boss hat on and get some of these corpsmen back to work. I can hear the loud LOUD gossip and socializing from down the hall. Is it too much to ask that people just WORK when they're here? I'm not saying don't have fun while you're here but JEEZ, take it down a few thousand decibels! UGH!!

More later when I can hear myself think.

*knock, knock* Hello? Jodie? Is that YOU?

Why yes it is, and thanks for asking!

To make a long story short, just that little additional 10 mg of Paxil has almost made me feel like me again.

Even Glynn noticed. We had a great weekend. We really reconnected and started to feel like us again. He told me he felt like he was seeing "his" Jodie again and wondered out loud where I had been.

(I had a minor relapse last night after bathtime where some anxiety set back in and I flipped the crazy switch a little, but I turned it right back off, don't worry. This is slow and steady progress, people, but it's coming! I'm in here somewhere!)

We did absolutely NOTHING this weekend but be together, all of us. The four of us had a pajama weekend where we just spent time together. We needed some time to regroup and recharge and reconnect as a family, and that's exactly what we did. We had a mental health weekend. It was awesome. Amazing, actually, is the word I would use, because I haven't seen myself or felt that good for a very long time. I really started to feel like me again. I think it's due to a number of things, but adjusting medication is no small part of that. What a godsend it is to feel like I'm back in my own skin again.

Again, sorry honey for the outburst last night but I'm back! I'm still here! I just get a bit frantic sometimes when the kids are ganging up on me and kicking my ass but I've recovered. We may have to tag you in some nights after bathtime, when I'm lying sweating and panting on the floor after wrestling two slippery little balls of dynamite in and out of the bathtub. They're starting to realize that the two of them together can almost overpower me, and it's scary. :) Instead of getting crazy, I just need to enjoy the moment and not worry about the mess. It's hard for me to just let that go, but I'm working on it. I love you and the kids so much. Thanks for sticking with me through the dark days. I'm back, I'm back, I'm back! I really feel good about this!

Sorry for the personal note, people, but I have no filter, as you all know, and whatever is in my head just comes out through my fingers onto this blog. Bear with me. There's good stuff here.

Work is a bit crazy today and I'm pretty tired, but I'm in much better spirits than I have been in for WEEKS so I'm just wanting to share!

Off to clear off a bit more of my desk....

Thanks, everybody, for hanging in there with me. Especially YOU, Glynn. You deserve a medal for all of this. :) I love you.

Birthdays, birthdays, and more birthdays!

This has been a busy month!

We had the best time for Maddie's 4th birthday. Mom and Dad and Uncle Ken made the trip to come visit us for this big event! We had a great weekend (although it was a rather short visit) and it was awesome to see Uncle Ken out and about. Maddie thought it was great. She's kind of used to being the center of attention (don't know WHERE she gets that, *ahem*), so a family party with purple princess decorations and a brand new Barbie Jeep were right up her alley.

She was so cute in the backyard with Brady, driving around in her little Jeep. She let Brady take the wheel, and we heard the cry, "We're gonna crash!" come out of her mouth right before Brady ran into the bushes. Great! It's a Jeep, for goodness sake, it's supposed to go off-roading, right?

I haven't taken the time to write about this month yet, but I thought I'd grab a few minutes before diving into this pile of paperwork on my desk to remember some of the great moments of September 2009.

This year, mine fell on 09-09-09, which was pretty cool. But directly on the heels of that was Dad's birthday, on 09-10-09. I've loved sharing our birthdays. I remember the year I turned 18 and Dad turned 50, I think, and we had a half-and-half birthday cake. Mine had a smiling tooth on it, and Dad's half was decorated with a motorcycle. That was the year he bought his motorcycle and had to get THAT out of his system. I remember that like it was yesterday! Wow. Years are flying by WAY too fast.

So then we got to celebrate Maddie and Uncle Ken's birthday, since hers is on the 22nd and his is on the 23rd. She'll always get to celebrate with one of her favorite people too, which is so special for her. She loves her Uncle Ken. We called him on his birthday, and all of the sudden she got really shy and didn't want to talk on the phone, but the entire week prior to that, she had been sleeping on her "Uncle Ken pillow" (one of the pillows he had used during his visit) because she missed him. How cute is that. It reminds me of the times when I was a little girl and Grandma would come visit overnight and I would sleep on her pillow after she left because I missed her so much. It's great that she has that connection too.

It's still hard to NOT say, "Grandma and Uncle Ken". It's been an automatic response since I was a little girl, and when I talk about going to visit, it's hard to say, "Uncle Ken's house" instead of "Grandma and Uncle Ken's house". I miss her so much. I keep her picture on my fridge so I can see her every day. I know she had a great long life, but I keep wishing she were here to see the babies grow up.

Okay. ENOUGH! I have to quit being so melancholy.

Hoping the increased paxil dose kicks in soon! Feeling a bit better day by day. Still working on my "homework" that Dad gave me...some good info about how to control my anxiety, but it's hard to get a moment to sit and read and really pay attention at home (got two little permanent distractions running around)! The sadness/depression/hopelessness that is subsequent to the anxiety and panic attacks is what gets me, worse than the anxiety sometimes. But I just had my medication adjusted so we'll see how that goes. I think it's helping, slowly but surely. Chronic pain will do strange things to your brain and your sense of well-being. I've dealt with anxiety and depression before, and had gotten it under control, but this pain issue really affects every aspect of my life, including my emotions (ESPECIALLY my emotions!) and it's been a difficult road to get things back under control. My poor husband. I know it's hard on him, but it's even harder on me. He has to live with the backlash, but I have to live through the experience. And neither one is a picnic, let me tell you. But I think we're on the upswing, so that's good. But a few prayers thrown our way would always be appreciated.

WHEW!

This has been a long and rambling schizo-ish post, but sometimes just need to get some stuff OUT of my head and onto a computer screen.

So, bottom line, we had a great birthday month and are looking forward to some fun fall activities soon. Next up? Pumpkin patch and trick-or-treating! I have a feeling that someone may want to be a dinosaur this year, and another someone may have to be a princess. But that's just a guess. :) God, they're cute. I thank God every day for such beautiful, healthy, amazing children. I'm so lucky. Nobody has to tell me that. Where my family is concerned, I've came in first in line for the greatest family ever. (And yes, honey, that includes you! *smack* <---blowing kisses at Glynn).

Okay, this paperwork isn't going to do itself, and I don't want to get fired. Ha! Hoping for good weather so we can get one last weekend of boating in before winter..... hope everyone has a great weekend!

I hesitate to "blog it out" sometimes.....

because I don't want to freak out my mom or anyone else who reads this and cares about me. I think that's partially the reason y'all haven't seen much blog activity from me in the past few months. These health issues are getting the best of me.

Some things I would rather keep completely private and keep in my private journals at home, and that's kind of where I've been at recently. Because once I put it on here, the whole world knows what kind of crap is floating around in my head sometimes. And I'm not sure that's a good thing, but here we go: Glynn has been encouraging me to get things off my chest so brace yourself, people. It's a scary place in my head these days.

Also? The 2 and 3 year olds don't make it any easier to sit down at a computer without distractions. They don't like it when Mommy's attention is anywhere but on them. Don't have ANY idea where they got that complex from *ahem* but I love them for it anyway.

So here I sit, earning my paycheck by waiting for patients that won't show up. Boy, that's not gonna be the case in the next 12 months. Wherever we land. THAT's another distraction too. Gosh, if Glynn and I make it through this transition to civilian life and private practice alive, I'll consider it a success. The stress is unreal. But I'll save the practice laments for a private journal, it's too exhausting to explain and write about. And unnecessary, too. Glynn and I have to deal with this one on our own.

So this story begins after Brady was born. I had a pretty good bout of post-partum depression/anxiety with the anxiety being the larger part of that time in our life. I had heard of post-partum depression and never thought it would happen to me. I'm too resilient, I thought. Boy, was I wrong. I was subsequently placed on medication to help control it and it's been a godsend. I've come to realize that me just being "wound too tight" is code for "uncontrollable anxiety" and that's what God made Paxil for. Since that time, I've had a few anxiety attacks, I'd say one maybe every 4-5 months or so. Usually, I can feel them coming on and Glynn recognizes it too, so I have a medication especially for that (God bless Xanax) that helps SO much. It just stomps the anxiety attacks into smithereens (and leaves me asleep and drooling, but that is so much preferred to the other, uncontrollable scary panic attacks). I'm going somewhere with this one, stay with me, people.

We camp out as a family every weekend on our couch. "Spencer Family Campouts" are a tradition around here, and 0ne of our favorite things to do in this world. On Friday night, we were all snuggled in our respective places and fast asleep when Glynn had to wake me up from a hellish nightmare, I was crying in my sleep so hard that my pillow was soaked. (I'm pretty sure I know where that nightmare came from, some work concerns, but that's another story I don't want to get into -- do you feel like I'm speaking in code? I do!) After I woke up and calmed down, I was okay, but it was so scary. I've never had a nightmare like that before.

Anyway, yesterday morning, we woke up and had a lovely Sunday breakfast.....some of Daddy's really awesome pancakes. I was cleaning up after the kids when it hit me like a ton of bricks. The cold sweats, shaking, feeling that the walls were closing in on me. I sat down and Glynn said, "What is it? You were just telling me how good you feel!" (I had another nerve block on Friday, which I think helped some with this chronic pain thing that's been going on....again, another story for another day). He saw the sweat pouring down my forehead and recognized the impending attack. Thank God for my incredible husband. He got the medication I needed to help me out, made me take it, and then had me lie down and rest.

When I woke up several hours later, I still felt weird. Very clingy and needy. I constantly kept at least one of the kids in my lap or held onto Glynn for the rest of the afternoon and night yesterday. I don't know what in the hell came over me, but I was almost glad to go back to work this morning to distract myself from some of that awful anxiety. I know exactly why I'm stressed out right now and it comes from a multitude of places, but it doesn't help that my body won't let me deal with it in a normal manner. I HATE being so weak that these panic attacks take over. I HATE not being able to deal with stress like a normal person. I used to be very self-sufficient! I used to be able to take care of myself! Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful every day to have married such a wonderful man that loves me and takes care of me when this happens, but he shouldn't HAVE to. I shouldn't get like that! Am I completely nuts? Have I gone over the deep end? Do I need to be committed? What the hell is going on with me?

I guess I'm still reeling over that panic attack and those nightmares this weekend. It's got me in kind of a funk, I suppose. I just want some normalcy. I want to be able to deal with stress like a normal human. I want to be able to make it through a workday without having to lie down and rest midday. I need to feel like Jodie again! I don't even recognize myself these days.

Poor Glynn. He's been so great to stick with me through all of this junk. And I hope he knows (and he will once he reads this) that I would do the same for him. In a heartbeat. I feel like I've completely lost my mind lately.

I know, it's just stress. Stress stress stress. I think it's just that it's coming so hard and fast from so many different places that I just had a mini-breakdown over the weekend.

Pray for my recovery, please. I beg of you. I am so looking forward to this weekend, as my parents are coming to visit for Maddie's "happy birthday" (that's what she calls it, isn't that the cutest thing ever) and they're bringing my beloved Uncle Ken! I'm really excited but I still am needing today to kind of "normalize" myself, I suppose, before I get back into Mom mode to plan for Maddie's party and get some cleaning and grocery shopping done before the weekend. I can't wait to see everybody, and Maddie and Brady will just lose their MINDS when they see not ONLY Grandma and Grandpa, but the surprise of Uncle Ken as well (he's kind of a favorite of theirs) :) We can't wait to see them. And I need the distraction. Hoping the weather is nice enough to take the boat out one last time or two before it gets too cold and we have to winterize the boat.




Whew!


Have I dumped enough on you?


Oddly enough, I do feel better after just spitting all of this out (metaphorically speaking, of course) and getting it off my chest.


I think that's quite enough for now.

Hope you guys don't have me committed. :)

Happy Birthday to ME!!

I was dreading my birthday until I realized it was on 09-09-09. That's kind of awesome. Okay, now I can have a cool day today.

Seems like just yesterday that I had a birthday on 9-9-99. I distinctly remember my mom and dad coming to visit me in K.C. I had just started dental school. Mom brought a sign that said, "Happy Birthday Jodie 9-9-99" and took a picture of me with it for posterity. I still have that picture somewhere.

I suppose I'll have to take one of me today holding a sign that says, "Happy Birthday Jodie 09-09-09" and put it in the album next to the one from 10 years ago.

Oh. My. God. 10 YEARS? Has it all gone that quickly? Not sure I want to compare photos of myself at my 22nd birthday with my 32nd one. There are *ahem* a few more pounds, a lot more wrinkles, and much more gray hair (expertly covered by my incredible stylist, thankyouverymuch).

But on the better hand, I've never been in a happier place. I've finally found and married the man of my dreams, have four incredible kids, a great career, and ten years of amazing experiences to look back on. In addition to marrying the greatest man alive and establishing the world's most awesome family(which, by the way, is the greatest thing I've EVER done. EVER!), in the past ten years, I've finished dental school and residency, gotten my board certification, lived in Japan for 3 years, gotten promoted to LCDR, ran a marathon (and a few half-marathons too!) while raising a bunch of money for the American Stroke Association in honor and memory of my Grandma Stickley, gained some great in-laws, nieces, and nephews, watched my best friends get married and have kids, and seen my dad retire. I've seen some amazing things, taken some incredible vacations, gone through the miracle of childbirth, and experienced love like I never thought possible. I've also lost one of the most important people in my life, my dear grandmother, the matriarch of our family. I held her hand and talked to her, prayed for her, read to her during the last days of her life. I was fortunate enough to be able to say goodbye, and I still miss her terribly, I think I always will.


All in all, a pretty eventful last 10 years.


Considering that it will be a LOOOOOONG time until 09-09-09 comes around again, perhaps we'd better make the best of this day. It's shaping up to be a good one. My cutie pie husband sang to me this morning, my best friend called me on the way to work, and when I got in this morning I found my office decorated with balloons, signs,banners, and confetti, with cupcakes and all! I'm lucky to have people that love me! (no matter how old, wrinkly, and fat I may be!)

AND I found out last night that not only are Grandma and Grandpa coming up for Maddie's birthday next weekend, but Uncle Ken is making the trip as well!!! I am so excited, and Maddie will just lose her little mind. She LOVES her Uncle Ken so much, and she will just go crazy when she finds out he came to visit her on her birthday.

Looking forward to a great day. Thanks everyone for the great day.

It's amazing how many people remember your 29th birthday! (shut up, I can have it as many times as I WANT).

Happy Birthday, me. 09-09-09. Cool.

And early Happy Birthday to Dad. 09-10-09. He's just as cool.

Did ya miss me?

I know I haven't posted in oh.....like, forEVER, so here it goes:

We had a fun summer with the girls. Pretty uneventful, but then any time we get the whole family together, just day-to-day stuff gets to be more exciting. They're back in Belton now and have just started their new school (IN Belton, not Olathe where their mom works and where they were going). They seem to like it. The reasoning behind the school change was so that they would have more time for after school activities if they didn't have such a commute. I hope they find something they like that they can now participate in, being so much closer to home and all.

Glynn and I and the babies are hitting our stride again. It's so difficult to get used to the girls being there and then having them gone, just boom, like that. And it's tough on Maddie and Brady too, they love their big sisters and don't understand why they're gone all of the sudden. We try to tell them about it but there's only so much that they can understand. Poor babies.

But they are doing great, sweet as can be and growing like weeds. We took them with us yesterday to go look at a pop-up camper (which we bought, but that's a different story) and they really thought that was cool. They kept calling it their "tent" and Maddie kept asking, "Can we sleep in it?" "Is it ours?" She was so cute. Brady noticed a swimming pool in the backyard of the house and was very upset that he couldn't jump in it right then. He LOVES his water! Poor baby. So we got the end of a very loud 2 year old fit after that. He didn't understand why he couldn't just go jump in! This, of course, comes after an awesome weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge where he was a maniac on the waterslides (according to Grandma and Grandpa) and some serious playtime in a baby pool at Grandma's house. He may just be the next Michael Phelps. With a tad bit shorter legs. :-)

I am scheduled for a nerve block this Wednesday (FINALLY!) and hoping it will be one of the resolutions to this pain! Although, I gotta say, since they changed my medicines around, I am really not hurting that much anymore at ALL! My big problem last week was a quick round of the flu which is finally beginning to pass. Whew! When it rains, it pours around here!!!

I've GOT to go find a cup of coffee, it's just not gonna happen around here if I don't. I'll try to be better about posting, I just tend to get caught up in life and not write as much lately, I'm being too self-centered right now. :-) Forgive me?

At long last, another post. I've been just a BIT busy this summer, people!

So here I am again. Miss me? I know you did, you don't have to say it.

It's been a crazy fun summer with the girls here. I love having my family complete. Please remind me of that the next time I am literally ripping my hair out just to hear something other than the bedlam of 4 kids chasing each other around the house, jumping on furniture, and fighting over flashlights. Or whatever. That was just an example. :)

I'm TOTALLY kidding. Granted, the noise level has risen to just below the sound I imagine a 747 would make landing in our living room, but at least it's happy noise. (most of the time). The kids are having a blast with each other.

We've evolved, our campouts have gotten more high tech. Last week, Glynn made a Wal-Mart run with the girls for groceries and a backyard water toy of some sort. He came back with 4 individual pup tents, complete with backpack, sleeping bag, compass, and flashlight. Each individualized to child per character. Brady's has Lightning McQueen, Maddie's has Disney Princesses, and the girls both chose (big surprise!) Hannah Montana. So now instead of us all crowding on the couch or air mattresses, we have tents pitched throughout our upstairs. It's really cute.

Last weekend, the girls decided that they wanted to sleep OUTSIDE in their tents, and "really" camp out. Dubiously, I agreed, with absolute certainty that they couldn't make it all night. I even went so far as to offer them $25.00 EACH if they could make it all night outside. Then I made sure to tell them the story about the man with the hook for the hand. (I seriously thought Sarah's eyes were gonna pop out of her head). The result? Sarah, poking her little blonde head out of the indoor staircase, saying, "Jodie, I'm not gonna do it. I'm sleeping on my bed." Bless her little pea-pickin' heart. She made it outside for a couple of hours before she got too scared and came inside.

Surprisingly, ANNIE stayed outside all night. ANNIE! That is not the one I expected to make it. Those girls have traded places lately, with Annie being the more adventurous one and Sarah being uncharastically cautious lately. Annie's explanation for this role reversal? "Yeah, I kinda got to her (Sarah)". I never laughed so hard as when she told us that.

Even out of the lake in their shoe! Sarah wants to go so slow and Annie puts up with higher speeds! I remember last summer when Sarah was getting thrown out of the shoe and Annie was the one holding on for dear life, almost crying when we went "too fast" aka 8 mph.

It's just interesting to watch them grow and change so much. One thing will NEVER change, though. Sarah will always be a bull in a china shop and Annie will always be working an angle somehow. I have a feeling it will lead to a life of Sarah being some sort of artist (where she can make a mess for a living and call it "abstract art") and Annie having a career in law.

Maddie and Brady are really having a lot of fun with their big sisters and just LOVE spending time with them. It's so cute. They trail along behind them, wanting to be just like them. Their little mini-me's.

So off I go from work today to get the house ready for yet another Spencer family campout. I wonder if I'll ever see my living room floor again.......

Never thought it would really happen.....

I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday. That, in itself, is not the shocking news, but rather what he had to tell me.

My dear, sweet, sixteen-year old cat passed away. Wally is gone.

The loving, sweet little furball that has been with me my entire adult life is gone. The kitty that has seen me through the best and worst times of my life. The little guy with the club foot that would yowl if he got up on a high table that he couldn't get down from. The kitty that would get lost in the dark in the house and meow indignantly from a corner. The lap-warmer that LOVED to be petted and purred so loudly he rumbled. The little guy that was ALWAYS coughing up disgusting hairballs and leaving white fur all over the place. The best cat in the world. Without a doubt, the most endearing and biggest personality-having cat of all. The one who was more like a dog than a cat, as he would follow you from room to room and beg for treats and attention. The one Glynn called, "my dog Wally". The one who could somehow look down his nose at you in such a regal manner that Karis nicknamed him, "Sir Walter Wally." The cat that all kids loved, especially Jenna and Brady (although he didn't love them back so much). My dad's best buddy, and mine too. The cat that would stay up late and study with me through high school, college, dental school and residency, and when he thought I needed a break, would come and sit on my books and look at me as if to say, "Enough already. Just give it a rest, woman." The one that would come hobbling in the room the minute I walked through the door to greet me with a big meow-ow-ow. The one who would talk to me on the phone. The little guy that walked along the walls as if he needed a guide. The one that would play up his limp whenever we had company, when in real life he could scoot as fast as any other cat could run. The kitty who never let his disability get the best of him, who would stand up on his hind legs and bat at me with his club foot to get my attention. Who would never let you read a newspaper because THAT'S the moment he needed you to pay attention to him.

The best cat in the world. My little Wally is gone. I never thought it would really happen. I always thought he'd live forever, kinda like some weird magical-type thing where he would be with me my entire life. God knows he's been there through the biggest part of it.

Today is a sad day. Even though Wally hasn't lived with me for the past almost four years, (we thought the move would be too tough on him), he's never stopped being my kitty, although my dad would disagree. I loved going to visit my parents because I got the added bonus of spending time with my little Wally-walls.

I miss him. I keep breaking out in tears for the loss of this incredible little creature. He will always have a special place in my heart, and there is not a cat in the WORLD who could ever take his place.

I have this special thought that he and Grandma are up in heaven together, sitting in her lap in a comfy chair in the sun. She loved him too. I like to think they're reunited now.

That's all I can do for now.

Spencer family campout, take ?

We've had so many of these nights, I've lost count.

We're having another one of our famous family campouts in the living room, complete with every pillow and blanket in the house, two air mattresses, and movies galore.

We've also had several snacks and lots of wrestling, tickle fights, and just general good times.

We watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop and are currently starting Elf. The girls have commandeered an air mattress, leaving me on the couch with the two snore-monsters: Glynn and Brady.

I love these nights. I've said it countless times before, and I'll say it again, and again, and again, until the day that I die: my family means the world to me. And it is even more special because we're finally complete tonight, with Annie and Sarah. I would give anything to never have to send them back. It breaks my heart every time. We're not a complete family without them, although we try very hard, and still have a great time, even though we miss them.

Today, I brought the girls to work with me, partly because I needed to do their checkups, and partly because we had a command picnic at 11:00. I couldn't bring the little ones because that was RIGHT at their naptime and I value my sanity. So we went, we saw, we conquered the moon walk, bouncy house, nacho and sno-cone stand, and the potato sack races and duck pond. We had a great time, and met Daddy at home before going to pick up the babies at school. (I promptly fell asleep in the chair at home and slept like the dead until they all came back together , but let's pretend that didn't happen. )

We have been in full-on camp-out/slumber party mode ever since. We all got in our jammies and had dinner, then settled in for a long night together in the living room. The girls and I are bedazzling everything lately (more of our mom/daughter projects) so we're currently working on designing our own t-shirts, aprons (another thing they love--- cooking with me), and beach bags.

I love my family. I can't get enough of them. I am in heaven, having us all together right now. Granted, it's a bit more hectic and loud, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love it.

Hoping the rain lets up so we can go out on the boat tomorrow. Hope everyone has a great weekend, I know we will!

Less posting in the summer?

I guess people are outside more and don't tend to sit in front of their computer so much during the summer.

All of the blogs I follow have slowed dramatically in posting frequency in the last couple of months. Which I totally understand. The only time I really post is when I'm at work and have yet another patient not show up.

But, it gives me less to read during those slow times as well. If only the world revolved around me as it should.......

Karis and company got home okay, but she of course left her cell phone charger behind. She warned me that she would leave SOMETHING, and at least it wasn't like the baby or something :-) Which I would TOTALLY keep, by the way. Isaiah's such a little cutie. But I don't think Brady or Maddie would be up for it, they got a bit jealous with Isaiah. They're not used to not being the youngest! It was a real eye-opener for me.

When I dropped them off this morning they were so excited, because their favorite teachers were already there. What a treat for them! I had slept in a bit this morning so we got a later start. Still trying to catch up on my rest from this past weekend! The littlest things wear me out lately. And I don't see any relief in sight, as my BIG GIRLS GET HERE SATURDAY!!!! I'm so freaking excited. I can't wait. I'll take the exhaustion, because it means my FAMILY WILL BE COMPLETE!!!! It's gonna be a great rest of the summer with them.

We've got the girls enrolled in summer camp at Maddie and Brady's daycare. They take 3 field trips a week.....to the pool, bowling, stuff like that. I think they'll really enjoy it. And Glynn and I are planning on taking every Wednesday off for the rest of the summer to spend with the family too. Which reminds me, I'd better start putting those leave requests in like, yesterday. Oops.

Off to do some important paperwork.....

Our last day together......

I went into work this morning for a single patient and came home early to spend an afternoon with Karis.

We had lunch at Oliverii North in Antioch and did a tiny bit of shopping. We also got the most wonderful pedicures in the WORLD today. With the best foot/leg massages EVER and now we have beautiful feet. Which was no small feat (hardy-har) considering the shape our callous-y heels were in. They almost had to bust out the power-sanders for us.

But now we have beautiful toes and are ready for sandal season!

I really enjoyed our time together this weekend. It's great to see Karis anytime, and it was nice to have more than just a few hours together like we usually get.....oh, every six months or so.

She's always been my sister. And we had a lot of fun this weekend. Reliving old times and making new memories. Talking about anything and everything, laughing our asses off (you'd think we'd be skinnier by now, LOL) and just having a great time. And the awesome thing is, Adam and Glynn get along so well too, they have so much in common. Both are into hunting, fishing, outdoorsy stuff, you know, just the typical guy things. So they NEVER have a shortage of things to talk about. And that's nice for us too.

And the KIDS! It's always great to see them. Little Isaiah has gotten so BIG! And Zeke just cracks me up. What really made my heart swell up and burst was that Maddie and Brady just snuggled right up to Karis and Adam like they'd known them closely their entire lives. Maddie wanted "Auntie Karis" to take her to bed, and Brady asks for "Carrots" at bedtime too. And they BOTH snuggle up with Adam like little barnacles. It's so cute. I love it.

I had a great visit and I'm going to miss them. But I don't have much time to dwell on it because my girls are coming on Saturday with Mom and Dad!!! It's gonna be a BUSY rest of the summer, and I can't WAIT to have our family together at last. I've missed the girls so much. It'll be awesome to have some time with them.

It's about time for my little munchkins to go to bed and say bye-bye to their Aunt Karis and Uncle Adam, because they'll be going to school very early tomorrow morning and the Morrows will leave around noon or so.

There's teeth to brush and little ones to tuck in, duty calls. I love it. More updates to come!

BIG night last night!

Brady bug slept in his big boy bed! All night! Only waking up once for a snuggle. He started to tell me he wanted to go back downstairs to his couch, but I talked him into staying in bed and he slept the rest of the night in his new bed!

He's currently napping in it as we speak. Hmmm. So THAT'S all it took to get him to graduate to a big boy bed! A cool Lightening McQueen bed.


Karis and co. got here this morning. Wow, Isaiah got so BIG! He's such a cutie pie, it's nice to have a baby around again! And Zeke is just as active as ever! This house is FULL of life now, even more than normal! And I love it.

I'm sure I'll have plenty to post in the coming days but it'll probably have to wait until things calm down next week. I think we're gonna be pretty busy this weekend......

Vertigo, oh my old friend. I missed you so MUCH!

(please read sarcastic tone here)

And Mom, before you read any further, relax. :-) This is no big deal but it makes for a funny story.

So guess what happens when you stop taking Paxil cold turkey after being on it for nearly three years?


You guessed it. A whole host of withdrawal symptoms, including my old friend vertigo. Thank God this is an easy fix. You just start taking the Paxil again. Easy peasy Japaneseie.

The whole reason I went off it was to switch to a different anti-depressant which can help with chronic pain. Well, I never quite got far enough along in taking it to find out if it would work or not, because I refuse to put up with the other bad symptoms. I'll take pain over dizzy and nauseous ANY day.

Another really cool withdrawal symptom? WICKED nightmarish dreams. Very vivid,very real, and very odd. Last night it got to the point that I was TELLING myself, in my dream, to wake up. Wierd. But kinda cool, in a psychological experimental-type of way.

The good news is, I think I may be getting a bit better! The pain hasn't been quite as bad lately, and I feel better now that I've been moving a bit more. Dare I say that I might be seeing a light at the end of this (very long depressing) tunnel? I sure hope so.

Our weekend was a lot of fun. Our next door neighbors threw a HUGE party on Saturday night and we went over and visited for a bit. After that, Glynn decided that the Spencer family campout would take place in the basement on the pull-out couch. We had so much fun! I ended up on the futon because I know two kids that don't quite know how to share smaller spaces, but it was a blast anyway. The kids thought it was pretty cool to get to sleep in the basement.

We also put Brady's Lightening McQueen bed together. We just have to get a mattress for it and there is going to be a very happy little boy. His bed is awesome, and a lot bigger than I had anticipated it being! It's really cute. I'm not quite ready for two such big kiddos. :(

Glynn's on duty tonight so it's just me and the kiddos for now. We just finished dinner and we're about ready for bathtime, so I'd better get them scrubbed up.

That's about it for now, more inane ramblings of a dizzy (blonde) redhead! I swear this will get more interesting soon. Karis and co. are coming up this weekend (can't WAIT!) so I'm sure I'll have plenty of funny shit to write about after that. Right, Carrots?

Oh! I almost forgot!

Emily and I had our walk date today. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a bit longer than I expected but so far, so good! No excruciating pain, the real test will be how I feel in the morning.

I love having a friend to gossip with during a "workout"! It was really fun.

I'm glad to be out and moving and having the sun on my face. It felt great.

So thanks, Em, for the motivation! We are planning on this being a twice-a-week event. I needed it so badly and it does wonders for my attitude, just MOVING and being outside. Especially with such a good friend.

That's all. Just wanted to brag on a great afternoon.

I'll update in the morning if Emily kicked my ass or not. :-)

RIP Farrah and Michael

The world lost Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson today.

Farrah lost her battle with anal cancer at the young age of 62. I was unaware that anal cancer even existed before her much televised battle with the disease. Of anything, her death served the purpose to bring light upon a relatively unknown subject.

Driving home from work today, Glynn and I were listening to News Radio, as usual, and heard the shocking news that Michael Jackson had died of an apparent heart attack. Wow.

Now, I'm not personally a huge fan, but even I have to acknowledge the impact that he has had on the music industry. It's a tragedy that he died at the young age of 50 and left behind 3 children. It's always hard to lose a parent, no matter what age.

I just read a report that autopsy results are expected for Mr. Jackson within a few weeks to determine the cause of death. My guess? Overdose. But that's just a guess. Who knows?

So it's been a sad day in celebrity news. I pray for the families and children.

101 posts and counting!

When I started this blog in January, I had no idea I would grow to like it as much as I do.

It's a place for me to vent, share news and pictures, and just outright clear my head. This is my 101st post, and I have no intention of stopping. I should have known, I've always been a journaler--and still do write for private thoughts--but this blog has been good for me. I think.

Other than freaking out my mom when she reads some stuff about my health issues of late, it's been a nice place to visit, right? :-)

I got sick a couple of days ago. Dizzy, nauseous, the whole nine yards. So I stayed home from work yesterday for some R&R, and am feeling much better today, thank you. I think the heat just got to me at work and in the car on the way home (need to get the AC recharged for the summer). We've finally gotten out of the cold rainy-ness that was Illinois but now we're enjoying the stifling heat and humidity. Summer just bitch-slapped me across the face, and I wasn't prepared. I think that's all that happened.

So don't worry, I'm back to my old self now. (which is still not my OLD old self, but still, better than I was a couple of days ago, so don't worry, Mom!) I'm on the upswing.

I have a walk date with my friend Emily today and am really looking forward to it. Since we both need to take it easy it will be nice just to get outside and catch up and gossip. I'm so glad to have met her. That's one of the things I love about the Navy...the people. I've had the opportunity to form some wonderful life-long friendships and I always be grateful for that. I'll miss it when we leave the Navy. It's nearly impossible to explain unless you've been in the service, but you basically become each other's family. Friendships progress far faster than they would in the "normal" world because you need to depend on each other so much. Often you're isolated from your family and friends, and these incredible people like Emily (and Erica, Cindy, Terese, Sherry, CAPT Smith, I could go on and on...) step up and fill the void where you're missing your normal crew. And that? Is priceless and irreplaceable.

So a big shout-out to my extended Navy family, thank you all for being such a big part of our lives! I love you all!

Gosh, I'm mushy this morning. Must be the extra coffee. Forgive me.

Anyway, I have a whopping ONE patient scheduled today, who probably won't show up anyway, but I have a TON of administrative bullshit to wade through, so it's probably a blessing in disguise.

Better get back to pencil-pushing. And running around the hospital like a crazy person. (shut up.)


Stay cool, everybody!

Things looking up? One can only hope....

That's it. Enough already. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. (and in so much pain I want to curl up and melt). And I'm sick of being so INACTIVE and subsequently, fatty-fatty-two-by-four-ish.

So, yesterday, I visited with our lovely command physical readiness person, the very personable Ms. Kim Moritz. The woman is a godsend. She's so easy to talk to and is so approachable that I went to her for suggestions as to how to get a bit more activity into my day. My metabolism is all but non-existent and my muscle tone completely deteriorated after MONTHS of forced inactivity. I know I'm on limited duty officially but I've GOT to move. It's hard for me, someone who used to be so active (I used to run marathons, for Christ's sake!) to have turned into this puddle of whiney, jiggly flab. We suspect the muscle weakness may be causing a lot of the pain too, so it's time to slowly slowly start building it back.

ENOUGH.

We of course are starting slow. Beginning with replacing my desk chair with an exercise ball. It will help me engage and strengthen my core muscles while sitting, and that's a start. We've also decided to start me on some light walking, 20 minutes a day, and see how it goes. If it hurts too badly, we'll figure something else out.

My reasoning: I can't make it any worse. I mean, seriously. I look like Benjamin Button here.
I'm one step away from a long term care facility at this point. I'm thirty-freaking-one years old and I feel like I'm ninety. Seven. And a half. God.

So last night, I went home and proceeded to fly into a frenzy of housecleaning for about an hour. In which time I got sweaty and short-of-breath, meaning I was getting some aerobic exercise. GREAT! I actually felt GOOD to move and be active. And I didn't hurt so badly that I wanted to die afterwards. I just let Glynn give the kids their after-dinner bath so I could rest. Worked perfectly.

Tonight, after dinner, Glynn and I have a walk date with the kids and Daisy. It's finally nice outside and the extended daylight is making for some great family time. And I'll get my blood moving, which is all I can ask for right now.

And Thursday I have a walk date with Emily! I'm so excited. We've decided to become weight-loss buddies. She's already joined WW again and we're going to go to the same meetings and help keep each other accountable at work. No more Panera, Arnie! :-) It's awesome to have such a good friend on the same track. We're even going to go check out the step aerobics classes here on our lunchbreak. I will not be stepping, but rather doing the light weights while sitting on a stability ball along with the class, but just being around people and music and friends is going to be awesome. (That's another thing Kim and I talked about yesterday, being AROUND people during an exercise class will help immensely.)

So, as you can tell, I'm kicking, clawing, and fighting my way out of this hole that's been dug around me. I've never been one to lay down and die and accept a shitty fate, and I'm not going to start now. Yay, rah-rah, me! (I would cartwheel but I'm afraid to hurt myself).

So, Mom, when you read this, I hope your mind is a little more at ease that I'm on the upswing. I know you can't help but worry (it's the Grandma Wollnick in all of us) but try. For me. I'm gonna get through this. I have to.

Also, I switched to a tricyclic antidepressant that is supposed to actually help with pain relief, so here's hoping on that. Keep your fingers crossed. I've also got the name of someone at Andrews AFB that would be willing to treat me with acupuncture, so I'm going to explore that option this week. It means a trip, but I'm willing to make it, considering that I'm STILL waiting for an appointment at the pain clinic at Froedert Hospital. What's the hurry, right? UGH.

This was rather long-winded and wordy, but I had to get this off my chest and out there. For the whole 2.5 people who will read it, but mostly for myself.

In a completely unrelated subject, Maddie and Brady are wearing new clothes to school today and they look adorable. Maddie's rockin' two french-braided pigtails and Brady's got a soccer outfit on. God, we make cute kids. :)

Hope everyone has a great day, I'm planning to! WOO-HOO! No more rut for me!

Stay tuned.......

It's Friday! It's Friday! Happy Dance time!

I haven't been so glad to see a Friday in a long time.

This week just seemed to drag on forever for me. I think it's because I've been so worn out this entire week. I spent the greater part of my work days collapsed on my couch at work. I'm 99% sure this exhaustion is from inactivity and not sleeping well, but if it continues too much longer I'm going to get it checked out. Maybe it's my thyroid or something. One can only hope. Then I would have a reason that was out of my control for gaining weight, not just that I can't stop shoving food in my piehole. :)

Anyway, I'm spending a few minutes at Glynn's clinic today to say goodbye to one of my favorite residents. It's LT Sarge's last day today, and I always liked working with her. She's a good kid. I know, I can't call a 20-something a kid, but that just goes to show how old I feel these days.

Planning on a nice uneventful weekend again, especially if the sun doesn't show up soon. I was hoping to get the boat slip started this weekend but our shelter still hasn't come in, plus it's all muddy right now. At least wanted to let the kids run around outside in the backyard! It's been so yucky that we've all got cabin fever, I think. I'd love nothing more than to get outside and pull the 5-foot weeds in my garden and let the kids throw the tennis ball for Daisy. But if it's muddy and yucky, that's just not going to happen.

If anyone has any ideas for fun indoor activities with kids, let me know, 'cause I'm running out of ideas. We've read every book, watched every movie, done every craft (even painting!), and made shelters, jumped on the couch, had pillow fights, you name it. Getting tired of the same old stuff.

That's about it. Looking forward to our weekend "camp-outs" on the couch as a family. I love that, it's almost more fun for me than for the kids, I think! I just love us all snuggled in a heap, a foot here, elbow there, and everyone (even Maddie!) snoring like lumberjacks. We have so much fun together.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Pray for good weather!

I'm sooooo glad to have a couch in here!

My hard-working active duty ass needs a nap once in a while. Like this morning.

Last night I couldn't sleep for the life of me, even though I was exhausted. Think it had something to do with the fact that I talked to Karis for about an hour before bedtime, and she tends to wake me up. (but I lubs her anyway!)

Anyway, the rest of the house was snoring away, so I plugged in a movie and sat up, trying to get tired. By the time I was ready to sleep it was already 1 in the morning, and Brady started waking up. Excellent.

So, by the time I got to work this morning, I was done. Stick-a-fork-in-me-goose-is-cooked-DONE. Thank God almost none of my patients showed up this morning. I was out. Stone cold out. Mouth open, drooling, snoring, dead-to-the-world OUT.

Amazing. I can sleep that soundly on a freaking LOVESEAT in this office. I've been making it work lately. I'm tired of being tired! Where has all of my energy gone? I miss it! I remember when you couldn't MAKE me sit down, now it's all I wanna do!

Hmmm. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I haven't EXERCISED in months, or that I'm in pain all of the time, or that I can't sleep at night.

Regardless, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to rest when I'm at work and can't take it anymore. Your tax dollars hard at work, people.

It's not MY fault the patients don't show up. :)

Have a good day, everyone.

Nice relaxing weekend!

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love my family. I live for our weekends together.

This weekend, we had our routine family couch camp-out on Friday and Saturday nights. We had SO much fun. I love these times together, we're trying to enjoy them as much as possible before our little munchkins outgrow us.

It was such a cold and rainy weekend that we couldn't go outside and play, we were stuck inside anyway, so we snuggled and spent some good quality time together. I can't get enough of it.

On Friday, we watched "Night at the Museum" (the first one) on DVD. The kids LOVE this movie right now and are slightly obsessed with it. So we kept playing it and playing it and playing it until we all knew all of the dialogue by heart. It's so funny to hear them saying, "Look, Mom, it's Rexy!" (The T-Rex dinosaur in the movie) every time he rounds a corner. I think that we may actually attempt to take them to the 2nd movie in the series at the theatre as soon as we get a chance.

Glynn got plenty of time to work on the Jeep and even had me help a little! I am considering myself an official "grease monkey" as I got to hold a crowbar and lift the engine block while he put on some sort of bolt or something. ???? I don't know. All I know is Ruby looks fantastic and I can't wait to drive her. He put on the rock slides (??don't know if that's the right term or not, but they look cool) this weekend. I can actually use them as a step to get into our (recently lifted) Jeep.

Karis and family are coming to visit in July. It's official now. I can't WAIT. We're going to have so much fun, and I can't wait to see her and Adam and the kiddos. Going to take some time off and have a great time together.

Plans for the girls' visit are also well underway, they'll get to stay for about a month! It will be so nice to have our complete family for that long. I am SO looking forward to us moving back next year, and every moment we have together is awesome. I get to see what it's really going to be like to have us all together on a more frequent basis, and I LOVE it. Glynn's even going to buy me a minivan. I know, I know, I said I'd NEVER drive one, but honestly? They're so convenient and seemingly even more roomy than our expedition. And easier for the 4+ kids to get in and out of. Yes, that's 4+, not that anything is definite yet, but always an option that we'd like to consider. :-) Just in case.

Another update: my friend Emily is back in the hospital (for the THIRD time since Monday) tonight. Her blood pressure and headaches are STILL out of control, so I again ask for your prayers for her. I've been to visit four times this past week and am planning to go again tomorrow. She's so miserable right now,and I am praying for some resolution for her and that she can finally be released and get to stay at her own home and recover. As it is, she's only spent one night at home since last Monday. That girl is a trooper, I don't know how she's done it. All the while grieving her loss and dealing with the pain of excruciating headaches. Thank you for your prayers, Emily and Mike are so grateful for them.

That's about all for now, I've GOT to get some sleep! Happy Monday, everyone!

Retirement day for Dad!

Today is my dad's last day at Energizer. Ever. He's retiring.

I never thought I'd see the day.

I can honestly say he's been working there almost as long as I can remember, except for a very brief stint at Georgia Pacific, I think. I also remember Radio Shack, and of course the Whirlpool/RCA store, but for the majority of my life, he's worked for Energizer. That pink bunny has been a part of our family for many many years.

I can't believe it. I think he can't either. Check out his retirement blog at: www.dougstickley.com

More time for fishing, golfing, and his eternal honey-do list! And hopefully more time to travel and do fun stuff with Mom. I'm hoping to get them up here for a visit soon as well, as soon as we get our waterfront "resort" finished.

I just wanted to tell the world how proud I am of my dad and his career. Now he's about to enjoy some much-deserved rest, relaxation, and retirement activities!

Congratulations, Dad, you deserve it more than anyone I know!

Please pray for my friend....

It's been the toughest week of her life.

My friend Emily, who is the new sedation nurse in our clinic and has become a very good friend of mine, is facing the hardest struggle that I can imagine.

She came in to work on Monday (20 weeks pregnant) and told me that she'd gained SIX pounds in one week and was feeling very swollen. We immediately took her back to a treatment room and checked her blood pressure: 162/102!!! We called her OB, who told her to get directly to the emergency room, where she was promptly admitted, then transferred to a larger hospital.

She had preeclampsia and her blood pressure was dangerously out of control and her labs looked very bad.


They had to induce labor 2 days ago to correct the preeclampsia, and the baby did not survive.


This is undoubtedly the most tragic time of her life, so please please please pray for her and her family at this time. She is doing much better, physically, but emotionally and spiritually she is understandably a wreck right now. There's not much I, as a friend, can say or do in this situation except sit with her, hold her hand, and let her talk, cry, and pray with her. I am so grateful that we caught the condition in time, otherwise Emily may have not survived, but I don't like to even think about that.

I ask that you all send up extra prayers for her this week that she can find peace.

I am reminded at this tragic time how very blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and healthy incredible children. I've been holding them very tightly the past few days, and giving them lots of extra love, as my heart breaks for my friend.

That's all. I can't say much else right now.

Rainy weekend!

It was terrible weather all weekend, which gave Glynn the perfect opportunity to work on the Jeep.

After two days of hard manual labor, my grease-monkey husband has put a lift on the red Jeep and it looks awesome! It's fun to drive, too, now I'm up even higher than everyone else on the road! (Like I need something else to give me the illusion of greater superiority).

What did I do, you ask? Absolutely nothing! I napped on the couch with the kids and watched movies. I DID get off my duff long enough to do a bit of laundry and clean the kitchen, and I made some awesome brownies and a great vegetarian chili last night for dinner.

These brownies are fantastic, you have to try them. Get over the mental block from the ingredients and just TRY this at home, they're fantastic and really great for you, calorie-wise:

1 15-oz can of black beans (NOT drained), pureed in food processor
2 boxes dark chocolate brownie mix

Mix together adding brownie mix gradually until all incorporated (this gets really tough after awhile, may want to use mixer). Spread in pan and bake following directions on box.

This makes a really thick, fudgy brownie (and no, of course you can't taste the beans!) without any oil or eggs, therefore drastically reducing the calories and fat. And they taste amazing! You will love them, I swear.

That was about as ambitious as I got this weekend. I hoping I can get into this pain clinic soon. It's awful to feel so old and creaky and not be able to bounce around with the kids like I want to. But they love Mommy snuggle time too, so that's a plus. We camped out in the living room all weekend and had a blast.

We also ordered our screened-in "gazebo" for our boat slip. Getting ready to set up our home base there for the summer. We even have electricity so we'll be putting our mini fridge down there to supply endless cold beer for the summer. (And milk for the kids, of course). It should take us a few weeks to get party central finished, but after that, I know a few people who need to make a road trip and hang out on boat row with us. :-)

That's about it. Back at work and waiting for pain meds to work so I can. Time for second cup of coffee, it's hard to get into the swing of things when it's so rainy and dreary outside.

When does it turn into summer here? I'm still in long sleeves and scarves! And that, in June, just looks ridiculous.

Don't want to even admit this, but.....

I have a Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow morning, and I'm scared to get on the scale. I know it's up. A ridiculous amount. And I don't know how I'm going to handle actually seeing those numbers.

It's so hard! I'm the kind of person who gains weight like crazy if I'm not active. And as if you couldn't tell by the past several months of blogging, it's not like I've been able to exercise. It's terrible. I'm so depressed about this.

I tried a new pain medication today, trying to get off the one I've been on for months. The only thing it did was knock me out. Seriously. It made me so sleepy that I had to go home and get in bed. For four hours. I was DONE. Knocked OUT. I haven't felt like that in ages.

So when Glynn came home with the kids, I woke up, in pain, as usual, and took some more of the same medication. Hoping against hope that it would work.

We went down to the marina and measured the yardage in front of our slip so we can buy enough bricks to make a flat area. We're also going to buy a gazebo-type tent and some outdoor storage bins. Planning on spending the entire summer on or by the lake. We met some other people nearby us and they seem like a TON of fun. Since we have electricity and running water with our slip, we can even move our little fridge out there like everyone else does! Getting really excited for summer.

That's about it for tonight. Tomorrow, I have to face the music (damn scale), suck it up, and move on. It's gonna be a long hard road to get this weight off of me, but I know I can do it. It's just so much harder without being able to work out.

Time to have a family snuggle time.

More updates to come.....

Can we talk about something happy?

I'm so sick of being depressing. I'm ready to find something to laugh about.

So let's see.....the latest Spencer family stories.

The kids took a bath in "Mommy and Daddy's tub" tonight, they LOVE the jacuzzi because it makes the biggest bubbles. Afterwards, we had the cutest naked babies running around tearing the house apart before we were able to catch them and get their jammies on. I love nights like tonight, when the kids are in a great mood, eat well, and go to sleep somewhat on time.

Glynn and I wanted to take them outside this weekend and camp out in the backyard, but it won't be warm enough yet, so we've decided to camp out in the basement, complete with tent, sleeping bags, and the works. We're going to have so much fun. I love fun weekends with the kids like this.

We got the boat put in the water this week, we just have to get our stickers and we're in business baby! I hope we get the chance this weekend. Both the kids have been asking for "our boat". As in, "Where's our boat, Mommy?" It's so cute.

Earlier tonight, after I had put Maddie to bed and was working on Brady, he kept asking me, "Where's Maddie? I need my stis-ter!" So cute.

That's about it. The babies always brighten my day, no matter how mundane or day-to-day their activities, it never fails to make me smile. What great kids we have. We're so lucky.

I need to remember all of my blessings when I get upset over this whole pain issue. I need to keep things in perspective. It's hard, sometimes, when it all gets on top of me, but what's a health issue when I have the most wonderful husband and kids in the world? As long as they are here, I really don't have anything to worry about. I can do anything as long as they are by my side.


I love my family.



Enough mushiness for tonight. I'm finally ready for bed. More incessant ramblings tomorrow, stay tuned......

Follow up on follow up....

It wasn't the backup that's causing my pain. The good news is, we've figured out what IS causing it.

Osteitis. Inflammation of the lining over the bone, where the mesh repair is sutured internally. It's NOT a nerve problem, which is also good news, but this inflammation can take months to heal. Like six months or more. Caused by pulling of the mesh away from the bone which was caused by me being too active, apparently. So I dug my own grave. Which is really a bitter pill to swallow.

In which time, I'm not allowed to exercise, lift anything heavy, or stand for prolonged periods of time. Read: high risk of becoming really really fat and lethargic. I can't let this happen.

I'm going to be followed by a pain management clinic and I'm looking into alternative healing methods like acupuncture. I'm so tired of being in pain. It's exhausting, really.

I'm going to walk as much as possible, but I'm not allowed vigorous exercise. Thank god for Weight Watchers, that will help me watch my food intake but it's gonna be a real challenge to not gain any more weight, let alone lose it. I'm kinda depressed about this. I've always been a pretty active person, so this is killing me. I'm also the type that if I don't exercise, I really gain weight easily, even when I'm watching my diet.

So next time you see me, please make sure there's a celery stick in my hand and not a french fry.


Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. On all these imaging studies that have been done (CT, abdominal films, etc) they found another sweet little surprise.


I apparently also have a kidney stone. On the side that I'm in pain anyway.


Excellent. Super. Just what I need. So when THAT little bad boy starts acting up, I'll get another healthy dose of excruciating pain. Good to know I've got something to look forward to.

Glynn had better just put me out to pasture and start looking for a wife that's not broken. :( I'm sorry, honey, that I'm so defective. I don't come with a warranty.

I wish I had better news. I really really do.

I suppose the silver lining is this: it happened while we're still in the Navy, therefore I get a paycheck no matter how much (or little) I'm able to work.

Okay, that made me smile. Forgive me, I'm not all sunshine and rainbows today. Give me awhile, I'll be back to myself as soon as I'm done wallowing in self-pity.

Health update. Gross TMI ahead, read at your own risk!

Now that I've updated Mom, I guess I can blog about this. I got a talking-to earlier for Twittering about my CT without telling her first. Kinda sent her into a little bit of a panic, 'cause I hadn't given her a heads up before. Sorry, Mom. Forgive me?


I've been having chronic pain issues ever since my surgery (and before, but I'm not counting that right now). I've been in pain that has not resolved, limits my activity, and generally affects my quality of life to the point where depression is becoming an issue. That's just a quick rundown. I don't even want to begin to get into the details of it.

Basically, the surgery that I had to repair this hernia was supposed to resolve the pain issues, due to the fact that the hernia was compressing a nerve and had caused irreversible damage to it. That nerve had a portion of it removed during my surgery. Hence, no pain, right?


Wrong.


So I saw my surgeon for yet ANOTHER follow up on Monday. He was concerned that during the surgery, not enough of the damaged nerve had been removed and that was the source of my ongoing pain. He started using words like, "pain management specialists" and "neurontin" and "nerve ablation by injection" which are all psuedonyms for "long-ass pain management that may or may not work, possibly affecting you for the rest of your life."


Not good. Not good at ALL.


So he decided to get a follow-up CT to make sure that the repair was holding, there was no recurrent hernia, no infection, etc. etc. etc.


I had that done this morning. The diagnosis?



I'm full of shit.







Literally.




Like y'all needed at CT to tell me that, right? No, seriously, here's where the TMI comes in, so for you queasy folks, feel free not to read ahead.



I had so much stool backup that I was practically impacted. Seriously. He showed me the CT. There was more poo in my colon than almost humanly possible. I was more full of shit than Rod Blagojevich. Apparently I got "backed up" after I stopped taking my post-operative stool softeners. That combined with the pain medication makes for a big 'ole colon full of poo, which is pressing on the hernia repair and causing pain.


Poop. My problem is poop.


Only me. This could only happen to me. The good news is, it's an easy fix. (if that is indeed where the pain is coming from, we'll know in a few hours). The bad news? Um. I had to drink the Go-Lytely stuff that you have to take before a colonoscopy (which is extremely disgusting, by the way). To um, clean things out? And that? Is extremely uncomfortable. Let's just say that I am only a few steps away from the bathroom right now. And don't plan on moving very far away from it for awhile.

The other potentially bad news? Even though my surgeon is pretty sure that this is where the pain is coming from, if he's wrong, we're back to the whole pain-management pathway. Which is not supposed to happen to people my age.

So please please PLEASE everyone, keep me in your prayers that the, um, elimination does the trick.

If I'm pain free in the morning after the, uh, cleansing, then we're in the clear.

If not?

God help us.


I'm praying this is the answer. I'm sick of not only feeling like crap (pardon the pun) but I'm tired of talking about it. And not being able to be myself. I would kill to be able to work out and have energy and a metabolism again.

The way it's going right now, if I eat more than a single spinach leaf a day, I'm going to turn into Jabba the Hut.

And then nobody could see my cute shoes. Also? Brown is so not my color.