Cutest. Kids. Ever.

Maddie and Brady in their matching Daddy shirts.

Brady, mastering my Iphone.

They love broccoli!

Trying to feed each other...with their mouths. Weird kids. :)

This one is my favorite, they were watching a movie and there was a "scary" part on. Brady starting whimpering and said, "It's a scary part! I'm scared!" And Maddie says, "Don't worry Brady, I'll hold your hand. And of course she followed through! They are both fiercely protective of each other. I love it. I guess I did something right since they love each other so much. And don't like to be apart.

Okay, I know those labels for the posts don't line up but I can't figure out how to make them. I'm tech challenged, sorry! But you can get the gist of it.

Don't you just love 'em?

Okay, I know I'm getting old

but this is just ridiculous.

My AARP card came in the mail yesterday. ???????

I'm thirty-fucking-TWO, which is WELL below the qualifying age of 50 to be a member of this esteemed organization.

On the plus side, I wonder if I'll get a discount on the early bird special at Denny's now. And if anyone will "card" me to see if I'm really 50, just aging beautifully. I am thrilled when I get carded to buy alcohol, that means I look young enough to be 21 (in some people's eyes, anyway) HA! So this seems like a drastic swing in the other direction.

Okay, whatever. We had a good laugh over it, but I promptly went and slathered on a ton of anti-wrinkle cream around my eyes and performed a full-body examination for liver spots and gray hairs. (I found none, thankfully -- partially due to an excellent hair stylist, but that is privileged information).

So in addition to my new AARP status, the only other exciting event lately happened on Friday afternoon. I don't want to get into specifics, but let's just say I guess I have been more stressed out than I realized, because there was a little event that happened on Friday, just a snarky, nasty comment directed towards me that normally I would have either ignored or shot back at.

Instead? I went to my office and LOST it. Completely came unglued, and had a total breakdown. We're talking shoulders shaking, sobbing, wailing, all-out good cry. I guess I was in need of it, because when I was finally done letting it all out, I felt.....well, lighter somehow, I guess. Cleansed. Refreshed. Except for the swollen eyes and red nose, and the splitting headache from all that crying.

I think all of this recent severe pain I've been having has really been wearing me down emotionally as well as physically. Throw in the stresses of the practice, leaving the Navy, and two sick kids for a week, and you've got the makings of a breakdown.

Hey, every woman needs a good cry now and then, and I haven't had one for a very long time. Not to get too TMI-ish, but in the past, I'd get a little emotional once a month and therefore have a little release there, so it didn't build up like it has been. Well, ever since I had a different form of birth control placed, I don't GET that little monthly visitor anymore and don't have the mood swings, PMSing where I could have a good cry every month and get it out of my system. Picture all of that building up over the past two YEARS and that's what came out on Friday.

So after work, I went and picked up the kids, came home, and once Glynn got home, he was sweet enough to take the late shift with the kids so I could get some rest and start feeling better. I went to bed at 7:00 that night. 7:00!! I slept like the dead, until 7:00 the next morning, when Brady came in, climbed up on the bed, and snuggled with me. Now THAT's a great way to start a day on a good note. I got up feeling refreshed, relaxed, and ready to face the day.

The moral of this story? Get your cry on once in awhile. If you don't, you might implode.

Also? This coming week we should (SHOULD) hear from the last two banks that we've submitted our loan applications for, and they'll be telling us yay or nay on the loan. I'm scared shitless that we're not going to get it, just like the banks are scared shitless to lend any money out right now.

BUT, I'm thinking positive. I'm going to keep my head up, my spirits high, and be confident that we are going to get approved for our loan. I'm excited about the upcoming processes after the loan goes through. It's an obscene amount of work, but I feel good about it. I'm not dreading it at all, in fact, I'm looking forward to it. You know why? Because it's for US, for our DREAM. For our future together, both personally and professionally. I've got a hectic week coming up this week, a few appointments that I have to make around my super busy patient care schedule, and I think that's a good thing to keep me occupied so I don't sit around waiting for the email or phone call from the banks. I need to stay positive, but not sit and stew about it all week.

SO, should anyone have a few extra moments to send up some prayers for us this week that we get approved for the loan that allows us to build our dream together. Thanks to all. Love you guys!

Pink is my favorite color....

Or at least it used to be.

That is, until both of my kids came down with pinkeye at the same time. Lovely. I love it that they are so good about sharing with each other but did they have to share THAT? Yuck. It could be worse, though, we could be having a re-run of the shared stomach flu that they had a few months ago. THAT was miserable. The pinkeye thing (with associated cold, of course) isn't slowing them down much, it's just the endless supply of snot and eye-boogers. And then, of course, holding them both down for eyedrops three times a day. LOTS of fun there, for all of us.

I knew something was up when Brady woke up on Friday, whining, "Mommy! I can't open my eyes!" Lo and behold, they were glued shut with gunk and just got more and more red as the day progressed. I took him into the doctor on Saturday to verify, and as soon as we got home, I was wiping Maddie's nose and noticed her eyes were like mirror images of Brady's. I gotta say, our pediatrician's office is pretty awesome, I just called them and explained the situation and they put in another prescription for Maddie right away. That was such a hassle-saver.

The worst (best?) thing about this is that the kids can't go to school until this is cleared up so Glynn and I get to tag-team the stay at home parent position this week. I'd take it the whole week except I called in on Friday, so I have to show up tomorrow at least to explain the situation and then we'll see. I personally LOVE staying home with the babies (so does Glynn) so it will be kinda fun for us, except for the mid-day eyedrop dose in which we will be left to our own devices to hold down the kids by ourselves why trying to get the eyedrops in. Ever seen that Friends episode when Monica is trying to get eyedrops into Rachel's eyes? And she sits on her, holds her hands still, and squirts her with the eyedrops all over her face by squeezing the bottle between her teeth? I foresee something like that, except with a lot more screaming on my part. :)

Another thing I love about my kids, besides their absolute eyeball aversion (which I share) is the fact that they have such good imaginations. They love to "play pretend" with each other and have the greatest time coming up with scenarios to play out. Right now they are playing Dora and Diego and pretending to go rescue animals from various places, under the table, behind the chair, etc. Maddie does a really great Dora impression, for all you parents, you would laugh if you heard her, she sounds exactly like her. I guess I've let them watch to much NickJr lately, but I love the cartoons that teach them something and I don't see the harm in them. And we especially love Wonder Pets, that's my favorite too, I find myself getting sucked into that show and we'll all sit down and watch it together. I admit, that's one of the great things about being a parent, getting to watch cartoons with no shame.

Brady is doing okay with his potty training, we're having a minor setback right now with the illness, I've been pushing fluids so heavily that there's no way we've made it to the potty each time. But all in all, he's doing well, he gets the concept, and he's excited about the process. Now it's just a matter of insisting he go on a set schedule, he'll get it soon enough. I'm proud of him. After what Maddie put me through, I'm due to have a easy child to potty train. Whew!


Glynn and I continue to be mesmerized by the Olympics. It's rare that we will have the same passion for a sporting event. I mean, I love football but I can't watch it all day or anything. But with the Olympics? I'll watch any event, any time, and enjoy them all. Except curling. I don't really consider that a sport. Come on. It's fucking shuffleboard. Anything that a grandparent could do can not really be considered a SPORT. I don't concur. Other than that, though, I'm kind of an Olympics junkie, although I'm nowhere NEAR as obsessed as Glynn. And I tend to love the girly events like figure skating just a BIT more (okay a lot more) than the slightly boring-er events like women's speed skating (even though that's pretty entertaining too). It's nice to agree on what channel to watch. It's a lot easier to get him off the hunting channel by asking, "Aren't the Olympics on right now?" Too bad it's only ever 4 years.

Hope everyone else had a great weekend. We're hoping this week brings some good news from our banker about our practice loan, and if so, you'll be seeing some wicked happy dances from this house. Keep praying for us. It's a jungle out there.

I had a dream last night......

....another one, about Grandma.


To say I'd had a few dreams about Grandma in the past year or so would be an understatement.


I had another one last night.

In my dream last night, I dreamt that we had gone to visit Grandma, and that there was a period of time when we had all laid down to watch a movie, and instantly, I was reverted to a childlike me, in which Grandma laid down with me and held me throughout a movie. Almost exactly like I do with both of my babies.

Which is exactly where I slept last night. I fell asleep with Brady on the couch, just cuddled up to him, wrapping him up in my arms, hoping that he could feel how much I love him.

I felt like this was a message. A message from her. In which she was telling me, "Hey. I'm here. I'm looking out for you. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

I talked to my mom today. She said she had had a dream about Grandma a few days ago as well. Even when she was in Mexico, enjoying a week with Dad on a well-deserved vacay! (And, BTW, my parents ROCK. Mom and Dad repelled down a waterfall AND rode a zip line through the jungle! In addition to the temporary tattoos! What bad-asses!)

I know that Grandma is looking out for me. I feel her presence almost daily. I know that as much as she worried about me when she was alive, that she just couldn't let go of that in heaven.

I'm comforted by that. As I've always been comforted by knowing she's always been thinking of me and worrying about me, my entire life.

I feel like she's given me a message. Like, whatever happens, it's going to be okay, I'm here for you and you've got someone looking out for you.


That's an awesome feeling. I love knowing, in the core of my soul, that my beloved Grandma is still worrying about me. And watching over me, now, and making sure I'm okay.

I'm comforted. I'm soothed. I can't explain it any other way. I miss her more than I could have ever imagined. I constantly feel like a piece of me is missing. We had always been very close. I was the youngest grandchild, so I feel like we had a special bond that was unique. Some days, the ache of missing her is so palpable, so painful, that all I want to do is shut myself in a room and cry.

I think that we had a special bond because not only was I the youngest grandchild, I was her daughter's baby. And my mom has told me that there has always been something unique about that for her. I know that I felt like my summer visits with her would never grow old. I felt like I would never outgrow her and Uncle Ken, and our special time together during our summer breaks from school. I think I was the grandkid that stayed with her even through high school, I don't know if that is correct or not, but I know that I would give anything to go back in time and relive some of those moments we had together during those special summer visits. Some of my best memories are of those times.

And you know what? I know that MY kids are developing a special relationship with THEIR Grandma and Grandpa as well (as well as their Nana and Papaw), and that warms my heart to no end. To see history repeat itself is priceless.

I think that's all I've got for tonight. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I only hope and pray that everyone has a chance to know and love a grandparent as much as I did. There is nothing that could ever replace that.

Good night.

He grew up overnight! Bittersweet day.....

Brady decided to grow up and be a big boy just like that. He woke up this morning and basically decided that he was done with diapers and that he wanted to be a big boy.

What?

Where's the catch?

When Glynn picked him up from school today, his teacher said that he had been doing so well with his potty-self-training that she thought we could skip the pull-ups stage with him, basically. I can't believe it! After all the trouble we had with Maddie, I suppose I'm due for an easy kid to potty-train. But I'm having trouble with him growing up so fast. Part of me wants to keep him in diapers so he'll be my little baby forever, it's so hard to let go of that stage for me, knowing that he *might* (will? IDK yet) be my last, so I want to hang on to the baby Brady pretty badly.

Don't get me wrong, I won't miss changing the diapers, but I'll miss his cute little diaper butt running around and that stage of Brady-ness that was so awesome. HE'S so awesome, we're so lucky to have such great kids. But with him being my baby, it's hard for me to let go and let him grow up.

So in addition to his dynamite potty-training, he also now wants to brush his own teeth (he's usually pretty content to lie there and let me handle it) and tonight he got out of bed, came downstairs, and put himself to sleep in his couch corner. Just like that. No whining, no begging for movies, no tricks. Just like a big boy, laid down and rolled over and started snoring.

???????????

I must be hallucinating.

But on the off chance that this is all real, I'll let out some silent cheers for my big boy, while inside I'm weeping like a crazy woman, longing to hold on to those baby days just a little big longer.

All it takes is a song on a radio...

.....to feel very smooshy and all in love with my hubby all over again.

I was driving into work this morning and the Brad Paisley song came on the radio "And I Thought I Loved You Then" and even thought it's written from the man's standpoint, it reminds me of Glynn and how much more in love with him I am every day, every week, every year. When you look back and remember the beginning of your relationship and realize that you've fallen in love with that special person and think that you couldn't ever feel any more for them, and then over time how your love grows and matures and deepens.

And even though we could rightfully kill each other sometimes, we love each other and get through it. And somehow, after all the bad times are over and even though you know there will be more to get through later, you end up loving them more afterwards. Amazing.

'Cause that's what marriage is all about.


Thanks, Mom and Dad. I learned a lot from you. Hope you had a great trip.

A little blue today.....

This pain is really getting the best of me. Again. I KNOW that this increase in pain is only temporary, but it's kind of kicking my ass. And so comes the dark cloud over my head that has been plaguing me on and off for the past several months, the deep dark depressive thoughts, the anxiety, the bad juju. I've felt it creeping up on me today and have tried to keep it in check, but it's starting to win.

When I get like this, I start to think about things that make me upset and sad, the equivalent of emotional cutting, I suppose. I've been missing my Grandma like crazy today, for some reason. I guess it really came and kicked me in the face when Maddie asked for jelly for her bagel. Stick with me, I'm going somewhere with this. The jelly is homemade by Uncle Ken, so I automatically associate that with Grandma, plus her picture is up on the refrigerator, and I know how much she would love to see Maddie with her little face all smeared with grape jelly made from grapes off of her vines. I don't know. It's just the way my mind goes.....the thought process that leads from one thought to another until it's in a place that I don't want to be. I'm not having much anxiety right now, more just some deep dark sadness, which can sometimes be worse. Sometimes my "anxiety attacks" have manifested as more "depression attacks" if that makes sense. I'll just get really upset and sad and melancholy about something (sometimes I don't even know what it IS, I just can't put a finger on it), and THEN the anxiety comes because I can't seem to get a hold on my emotions. This is one of those nights. I'm anxious also about this pain and I get a bit freaked out that I can't make it go away completely right now. I'm trying to use ice, rest, everything else I can do, but nothing works except more pain medication, which I CAN'T take enough of because I will run out of it before my appointment on Wednesday of this week. So I'm trying to reserve using it until I absolutely need it and try to deal with the pain in between.

Please don't get me wrong, I completely understand that this is normal, that this is part of the process of the nerve dying and that it WILL go away, but it's really hard to have increased pain after all these months of it being constant, but controllable. It makes me feel like I'm back at the beginning where nobody knew what was wrong with me and I couldn't get the pain to go away. Which, coincidentally, is at the peak of those times when I was having extra anxiety/depression issues.

Anyway. I know I must sound like such a whiner and you would think this wouldn't throw me for such a loop but it has. Maybe I'm just a weenie. I don't care. When I need to get stuff off my chest I come here. Makes me feel better to vent.

Ahhh, the ice pack is finally kickin in. After the intense pain from the freezing comes the blessed, blessed numbness. Now we're talkin'.

This weekend was supposed to be an intro to potty training with Brady. I made special potty charts for both him AND Maddie. When he goes successfully in the potty, he gets to put a star on his chart and then go get a treat. I've also gotten him to accept pull-ups and now he feels pretty proud about his accomplishments. Maddie has started putting up a star for each successful #2 in the potty and she really has been doing very well. I'm hoping we finally have gotten her over the hump of being scared to go #2 in the potty. She's done great for the past few weeks, we just need to continue to reinforce her good behavior. I told her if she could fill up her whole potty chart with stickers (yes, I bought stars in different colors, don't judge me) then we would go to a movie in the movie theatre, since she discovered how much she loves it. Same rules go for Brady, although I think he was more impressed with the fun chairs in the theatre, you know, up down up down up down, ALL the way up and down the row for the last WHOLE movie. But whatever. As long as they have fun, that's all that matters to me.


Okay. Vent over. I think I'm done getting this off my shoulders. The good thing is, when I get like this, I have a husband that can read me like a book and is right there to reassure me, hold me, let me talk and take care of me when I need him most. I'm so lucky. I need to tell him that more often.

On that thought........


Hope I'll be more "me" next time I post. Here's hopin'...........

Happy Valentine's Day!

Early, I know, but the kids are celebrating today with classroom parties so it seems like today is the big day. They are both so excited. They took their little valentines and treats for their classes and were all jazzed up this morning. Maddie is dressed in her little red sweaterdress with leggings and sparkly shoes (red, of course) and a red sparkly hair bow. She looks adorable.

Brady? In sweats and his "Feed Me" t-shirt. At least it's red. Right? It seemed more appropriate for him. All Brady, all the time.



Glynn and I have collectively decided to not buy each other valentine's gifts this year, but to instead maybe enjoy a dinner out together if we can beg for a babysitter. We'll put the money from the gifts into our practice nest egg instead.

Speaking of the practice......we've got our business plan all together and tweaked until perfect. It's really great, Glynn did most of it but I got to put my spin on part of it too, and I have to say, we did a pretty spectacular job (but I give most credit to him). If THAT doesn't help get our practice loan, I don't know what will. Maybe sending them a box of puppies with little red bows around their necks? I give up guessing what banks want these days. No matter WHAT our fearless leader Obama says.

Let's see, what else? Oh, yes, Jodie's medical update:

After the nerve ablation last week, I initially had a decrease in pain for a few days, but now it's coming back, just a different type of pain than I had before. This time it's more sharp, stabby, and electric-shock-y type of pain. It hurts quite a bit, but it's a means to an end. It's simply the nerve in the process of dying and waving a little white flag, but it's putting up a fight to the very end, so this is normal. It could be 4 to 6 weeks of more pain as the nerve slowly dies, but the good news is that it eventually WILL. And I've been in pain for so long, that what's a few more weeks? It's wearing me out a bit and I'm a bit cranky with it, but it WILL be over soon. I have hope.

I've had a pretty busy week of patients that have been marathon cases, so I'm worn out today. I think I'll try to cut out early and get a bit of rest before I need to go get the kids. We'll see. If I can get through the mountain of paperwork that I've been skillfully avoiding this week (I'm nothing if not an EXCELLENT procrastinator), then all will end well as we go into this THREE DAY WEEKEND! On which we are hoping to re-visit the potty-training issue with Brady. He will go for us but doesn't want anything to do with pull-ups or big boy underwear. The dude likes his diapers! Guess they are a bit more insulating, and they do tend to cushion his (many) falls off the couch or whatever else he is superman-ing off of that particular moment.

{{{pause in blogging for patient treatment}}}


Whew! Let the marathons continue!!! Sheesh! Have these kids ever even SEEN a toothbrush? I'm exhausted!!!


Too tired to continue this post, must save hand strength for writing up epic novels worth of charts.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Please brush after eating all of that candy. :)

Success?

Yesterday I had my radiofrequency nerve ablation done. In short, what they did was basically attach a probe to the nerve that has had me basically crippled for the last year, and send pulses through the probe to burn the nerve and kill it.

They told me it can take up to 4 weeks for the nerve to die off and then I should be pain free.


That's too good to even consider. I feel really good about this, like it might actually happen this time.

Right now, I'm pretty sore and still having some pain, but it should go away over the next few weeks if everything goes as planned. Then I can get off all this medication and get my life back!

I felt like this would never happen......I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'll be running around screaming and jumping for joy when I wake up and I'm NOT in pain in a few weeks. Then? I'll be a true believer.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Thanks for the prayers, everyone, I think they worked.

I double puffy heart my girlfriends!

Not GIRLFRIENDS girlfriends, pervs. I'm talking about my friends that happen to be women. Just like my husband and mom, they are the ones I can turn to with anything.

I was lucky enough to have a long conversation with my BFF today, Karis. We've been friends for, um, lets see here......28 years? Is that right? God, I feel old. (But damn, does my skin look fantastic...LOL. Gotta love me some Mary Kay eye cream!)

Anyway, its always good to talk to her and catch up. It made my day.

AND, I started the day with a good long convo with my very great friend Emily. Love her too! We're so alike that it's almost eerie. And we actually work together and still like each other! This is almost unheard of, trust me.

Couldn't have come at a better time, either. Then I got to thinking about those friends I've lost touch with over the years, some just by distance and time, some by misinterpretation of actions on both sides (well, one, actually, but that's a different story) and I miss them all every day. And some that you know will probably never be a part of your life ever again, but you'll always have good memories of and wish them well.

There's nothing in the world like friendship. And we should never take it for granted. Because friends, GOOD friends, friends that you can talk to anything about, call at any hour, who will be there for you and vice versa, don't come along just every day.

And THAT is one of the many things I'm thankful for today in particular. You?