If there's one thing I've tried to teach the kids....

.....it's learning to share.


And boy, did they do that well this past weekend. We had the honor of sharing the stomach flu. Starting with Brady, then Maddie, then me. Thankfully, Glynn has been spared and so have the grandparents. But God. What utter misery.

Also? I learned an important lesson. If both of your children have been vomiting in the last 24 hours, it's probably not too smart to have wings and beer for dinner.

Let's just say I don't anticipate eating wings again for a VERY VERY long time. Ugh. *shudder*

Other than the projectile vomiting, we had a very productive weekend. We found the most amazing space for our practice, and the meeting with our banker went VERY well. Almost too good, I think. But I think both of us feel a lot better about this now. It's a very steep uphill road from here, but, we're in good hands with Patterson dental, Miles McCune, and Alex Goodpaster. Now we have to settle on an architect, but that shouldn't be too difficult.

Now for the heavy personal angst-y stuff.


On Friday, we drove halfway and got a hotel room in Davenport. About 3:30 in the morning, I woke up to being vomited on by Brady. We're talking face, hair, ear, neck, everything. I was COVERED. (suspect this is probably how I got the virus, huh?) Anyway, we got cleaned up and he threw up a few more times, Glynn had to find a 24 hour Walmart and make an emergency run for supplies, and I had another "episode" for lack of a better word. It wasn't a full-blown panic attack, but it was close. Glynn headed it off with some Xanax and I was knocked out the entire drive back to Mom and Dad's house. It was so good to be home and in a comfort zone. I think I was freaked out because when Brady got sick, we were in a hotel room in Bumfuck, Iowa, and was scared to be so far away from everything I knew. I don't know.


Dad talked it over with me when we got to Maryville, and it makes so much sense. He makes me feel so much better because he has suffered from the same things, only so much worse. Isn't it funny that no matter how old you are, part of you still wants your parents around to take care of you? I got a double dose this weekend, my dad taking care of my mental health and my mom taking care of my physical (she made me soup and let me sleep when I was sick). It was great.
Except for that same night, even after Dad had talked to me and I was feeling a bit better, I had a full blown anxiety attack. He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, so I got Glynn. I felt like I was having a heart attack....you know, chest pain, shortness of breath, but I KNEW it was just anxiety. I tried to talk myself out of it, do the breathing exercises and visualization but I couldn't get it under control, so Glynn helped me out again with making me take the medication again.



But I feel better, more hopeful that I WILL be able to manage this. It took my dad YEARS but I have the benefit of his experience so I'm hoping I'll be able to learn from him. And, as cheesy as this sounds, my mom had a relaxation tape, (yes, and actual cassette tape, from the 80s, gotta love it) that was a sleep/hypnosis/anxiety management type of thing. I listened to it at their house and it's weird, I would have never expected it to help but it did. It talked about finding a "happy place" (yes, just like Happy Gilmore) and imagining all of your anxiety and pain and panic flowing out of your body. It helped. It did, I was so glad! So, we actually found an old Walkman (retro, right?) and I brought it home with me. I've listened to it a few times since and I am feeling more calm and hopeful. Maybe it's the placebo effect but I could care less, if it makes me feel better, than so be it.


Anyway, we're back at home and I took the rest of the week off to catch up and spend some time with the kiddos. Glynn says that's when I'm happiest, when I've taken the day off, spent the day with them, got stuff done around the house, and he comes home and I'm in another happy place.
Oh, and speaking of happy places, I've realized I've got several of them that if I can "go to" when I'm anxious I'll be just fine. My favorite? Snuggling on the couch with my family. Just try to be anxious when you're warm and snuggly and cuddled up with the people you love more than anything in the world. (Hmmmm, think I just discovered the reason for our Spencer Family Campouts). Another one? Sitting in front of the fireplace in my parents house, smelling the fire and being around my family.


(okay, all of the above was written in pieces last week, on Thursday and Friday) Took me this long to get back to it to post it, which tells you how much computer time you get with a two and four year old. Anyway, on with the saga......

I can't remember what day it was, think maybe Friday, but I had just tweeted that I was so happy, sitting on the couch, fireplace going, fuzzy jammies and all, and out of nowhere came another anxiety attack. Seriously? You're going to tell me that these awful things can come on when I'm really feeling relaxed and happy? What a crock of shit. So Glynn and Dad talked me through it, meds helped too, I'm just disappointed that these attacks are able to overtake my life at some of my most chilled-out, happiest moments.


Anyway, it's Sunday now, and I'm hoping to make a pumpkin patch trip today. Glynn's putting new brakes on the Jeep so we'll see. We still have one weekend before Halloween, but I'd like to go today if possible, the weather is beautiful.


That's it for now, I think it's quite enough drama for a decade, let alone a week. I know I'm a self-labeled drama queen, but that's even too much for ME.